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Monday, May 18, 2015

100 WC Week #33

James just looked outside wishing that he could be with the other boys and girls. His father works at a site fill of cranes and wind. Sam (James dad) went to reach for the lever in the crane to pick up the wood for the site but the ferocious wind blew the crane over and he lost all power to the crane and he went down like a rock in water. They fixed him up in a quick time and he when home with a cast on him arm and they lived with a big bill and no money.
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4 comments:

  1. UnknownMay 18, 2015 at 7:14 PM

    This is great stuff Jesse! Like the specific vocab you've chosen and your use of brackets! Remember the apostrophe i.e. James' Dad. Well done :)

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  2. AnonymousMay 21, 2015 at 10:29 AM

    cool

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  3. AnonymousMay 22, 2015 at 9:18 AM

    Thanks sophie and miss blair l will do!

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  4. boyceocwwMay 23, 2015 at 5:13 PM

    Hi Jesse,

    Thank you for entering this week's 100 Word Challenge.
    I enjoyed reading your story. Reading your Bio, I see you're into machinery. It's great to write about what interests you! I'm glad James' Dad isn't badly injured. He'll be back working and paying those bills soon, hopefully!

    To improve your writing you might try writing shorter sentences and try looking at different ways of starting a sentence. For example try using an "ING" clause....Losing all power to the crane, it went down like a rock in water.

    Keep up the good work!
    I look forward to reading more adventures from you.
    Mrs Boyce @ Team 100 WC
    Cork, Ireland

    Come and visit our Class Blog at http://kidblog.org/MrsBoycesClass-4/

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