Lilly looked toward to opening his jar of birthday sweets. Her mum got them for her birthday her 10th. As soon as she got home she got hungry so as she lifted the lid and her phone got lost under the seat. Losing her phone was like losing life to her. But she didn't know that she lost her phone. but she still ate
all the lollies and didn't notice. She went to the TV room and then she knew. her face went red and her lost her phone! And she went to see her mother about it. The End.
Wow great story!!!! Maybe if after your full stop you put a capital letter! I loved when you said they were birthday sweets! Keep up the good work! :-):-):-)
ReplyDeleteThank you l will work on it today
DeleteThis is a story that flows very well. Losing her phone was like losing life to her would apply to so many young people today, so well done for writing about this observation. Some of your sentences are a little clumsy, so be careful with your syntax. Overall, good work!
ReplyDeleteYes I need to work on it thank you
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